Who Am I?
by spritesinger
Summary: During his Seventh Year Neville Longbottom changed - a lot. A series of drabbles showing how he becomes his own person, not just who he was expected to be.
1. Challenge

Challenge

A whole new year, thought Neville as the doors to the Great Hall opened. Students flooded in, chattering and laughing, jostling him as he unhurriedly walked towards the Gryffindor table, looking for a seat.

Finding one, he sat down and Ginny slipped into the chair opposite him. On the Ravenclaw table Luna too found a seat and sat down. They were the only ones left from the group who had gone to the Ministry although there were still several members of Dumbledore's Army dotted around the hall. Harry, Ron and Hermione were still missing although they were as much talked about as ever.

At the staff table two new faces sat amongst the other teachers. Both were Deatheaters who had visited Hogwarts before: to help find, and murder, Professor Dumbledore - along with Snape. Neville tried to remember their names. Callom, Callow, Carrow - Carrow. The Carrows. They would be teaching Dark Arts and Muggles Studies, both now compulsory.

Neville had a vague recollection of receiving a letter during the holidays about this. It had been immediately consigned to the bin, along with all of the other rubbish they had received.

By now all the students had found a place to sit and Snape had stood to give the start of term notices. As he talked Neville remembered Professor Dumbledore's way of opening a start of term feast: "nitwit, blubber, oddment, tweak" and smiled ever so slightly.

Snape finished his speech with a sentence in which he urged the student body to "work together and with the teachers to make Hogwarts a better place for all." Neville, almost, but not quite, snorted.

Looking at Luna and Ginny he saw that they too were looking at both each other and him and _knew_ they were thinking the same thing as him: that they _would_ work together to make Hogwarts a better place. In fact, they would start straight away.

Slipping a hand into his pocket he found a fake galleon. He changed the date as Hermione had taught him before she left and withdrew his hand, watching as the other members of Dumbledore's Army surreptitiously slipped their own hands into pockets.


	2. A Vote Of Confidence

A Vote Of Confidence

It was the first meeting of Dumbledore's Army. They had decided to meet in the same place as they had when the DA had first started - the Room of Requirement - because, they figured, even if what they were doing wasn't strictly against the school rules it soon would be if the Carrows and Snape worked out what was happening.

Ginny and Luna were walking alongside him or rather Ginny walked whilst Luna skipped. They had all though long and hard about what they would do to "make Hogwarts a better place for all" and had decided that for the present moment simply learning how to fight was a good start. They would work out what else they could do along the way - and they were sure that they could find something.

The trio had walked up and down outside the Room of Requirement three times and waited for a moment for the door to solidify before entering. Most of the DA were already there, and had found a cushion and were sitting on the floor talking to friends, but all stopped when the three entered. Someone had managed to find a copy of Hermione's old list and had pinned it up on the wall and there were as many DADA objects as there had been before, decorating the walls and floor. It almost felt as if the Room and the rest of Hogwarts wanted to help them fight back.

Finding cushions the three sat down. The silence became slightly awkward as everybody waited for somebody else to say something. Ginny cleared her throat. "Hi. So yet again we're here to learn how to fight properly. But this time we're going to have to teach ourselves because Harry, Ron and Hermione aren't here, though I'm sure-"

"Whose going to lead us this time?" A voice rose from the back.

"Well," said Ginny, "we, I mean Neville Luna and I, thought that maybe we could all teach ourselves and each other. Maybe we could take it in turns to do a lesson, or something." Most of the group nodded but someone else spoke up;

"I agree - we can all take turns teaching each other, but we should have a leader." The rest of the DA agreed and the voice continued. "I think that you, Neville and Luna should lead us."

Neville hadn't expected this and said so but was shouted down by everybody else, all of whom agreed.

"But I'm nobody!" He muttered to Ginny. "_I_ can't _lead_. I'm _useless_."

Terry Boot overheard and contradicted him.

"You're not a nobody. Who went to the Ministry of Magic with Harry in Fifth Year? Who was tortured and still resisted? Who fought against the Death Eaters last year? Who-"

Neville blushed. When it was put like that he fully understood what Harry said about it all sounding cooler than it actually was.

"But-" he protested but was cut off.

"And as for being useless: who was it who mastered the spells we learnt the year before last quicker than anybody except Hermione? I don't think that's useless!"

Hannah Abbot fished a piece of parchment and a quill out of her bag. Opening a bottle of ink she wrote across the top in big capitals:

NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM, GINNY WEASLEY AND LUNA LOVEGOOD

CO-LEADERS OF DUMBLEODORE'S ARMY

Passing around the quill and parchment she got everybody to sign and then tacked it up next to Hermione's old list.

"Looks like that's that, then," said Seamus Finnigan. "So, anybody any ideas what we should do today?"

It took Neville a moment to figure out a reply as he revelled in a new feeling: confidence.


	3. Leadership and Bravery part I

Leadership And Bravery

part I

Neville and a group of people from the DA hung around outside the portrait of the fat lady, waiting for Ginny. It was late, past the 8 o'clock curfew, and Neville knew that they couldn't wait much longer without getting caught and, whilst normally they wouldn't care, tonight was different; they had no plans on getting caught – yet.

One of the Ravenclaw boys shifted, clearly getting bored with the waiting around. Neville was about to say that he would go and find where she was but at that moment the portrait swung open and Parvati climbed out.

"No-ones seen her all afternoon," she said in response to the unspoken question. "Dennis said that he thought she went to the hospital wing but he didn't know why and he was the only person who knew _anything_." Several of the group looked at each other in dismay. It was only the second week back since the start of the new school year and already the words "they went to the hospital wing" had come to mean something ominous. Parvati fished her wand out of her robe pockets and continued. "I think we should carry on anyway. I'm sure Ginny's alright – they'd tell us if she'd been tortured just to see our faces and we haven't heard anything so…she wouldn't want us not to carry on because she's not here."

"But Ginny had it all planned out: who was doing what, who was going where, _everything_." Terry Boot spoke up. "If we don't all know exactly what we're doing then we'll almost definitely get caught and we can't hang around here for much longer – Filch'll catch us, or worse, the Carrows. Maybe we should wait until tomorrow."

Up until that point Neville had remained quiet. Throughout the last couple of DA meetings he had remained in the background, letting Ginny (and sometimes Luna) lead, only speaking up when people asked for his opinion. Despite the vote of confidence their insistence that he be a co-leader gave him Neville still wasn't quite comfortable with telling people what to do. He preferred to suggest and let people make their own minds up. Still, since there wasn't anybody else here now so he would have to this time.

"Um, I know what we were going to do." Neville's voice was quiet but everybody's attention was immediately focused on him. "We worked it out together."

When Neville didn't carry on Seamus prompted him: "so what did you come up with?"

Neville outlined the plan, relieved when everybody started nodding their acceptance and nobody disagreed.

"So, if we all split up into pairs we should be able to cover most of the castle with graffiti by midnight." The group was already grouped into pairs and since Ginny and Neville had divided the castle into sections all each pair had to do was choose a section and set off.

Soon only Neville and Hannah Abbot were the only ones left so they took the remaining few corridors and rooms and set off.

"You're turning into a good leader," Hannah told him, surprising him slightly.

"Really?"

"Hmm."

"Oh." Neville was pleased and they carried on walking in silence.


	4. Leadership and Bravery part II

Leadership and Bravery

part II

Hannah and Neville opened the door of the muggle-studies classroom. So far they had 'decorated' five corridors and several classrooms with various slogans in Permanent Paint and this was the last one that they had to do.

The classroom was very different to what it used to look like. Then it had been set out as if it were in an old muggle school and posters advertising muggle technology and popular music bands graced the walls. Now, however, the posters were gone: replaced with Death Eater propaganda about muggles and the old muggle desks had been replaced with new ones that were no different to any other throughout the school.

Hannah unscrewed the lid on the jar of paint and carefully set it down, taking care not to waste any. Dipping a paintbrush in, she walked over to a piece of wall covered in the new posters and tapped them with her wand. The permanent sticking charm would mean that the message would last for a _very_ long time.

Carefully she painted the slogan: _'make Hogwarts a better place for all - sack Snape'_. Standing back she admired her handiwork then added an exclamation mark after' _Snape_'.

Neville watched her amazed - he would never have imagined that good, quiet Hannah Abbot would have enjoyed defacing school property quite so much. Coating his own brush in the paint he joined her and they spent a happy ten minutes undermining Snape and the Carrow's rule. They were so engrossed that they almost didn't notice Mrs Norris poking her head around the door.

A soft meow soon got their attention, however, and they watched in horror as she disappeared. Within seconds they could hear two sets of footsteps echoing along the corridor.

"What should we _do_?" Hannah whispered , terrified.

Neville spun round, desperately searching for an escape route and spotted the window. Dashing over he fumbled in a pocket for his wand, then, when he finally managed to remove (which seemed to take hours), tapped the latch with it saying "a_lohomora_!" It flipped open and Neville flung the window open.

Beckoning her over he helped Hannah climb through.

"Get back to the Hufflepuff dormitories as quickly as you can," he told her. "Don't wait for me - I'll be right behind you."

"But-" she protested.

"_Go!_" He gave her a slight shove and she disappeared off the ledge. Luckily the Muggle-Studies classroom was on the ground floor so she only had a short way to fall.

Knowing that if he tried to follow they would both get caught Neville shut the window and pointed his wand at the second paintbrush which was the only other evidence that there had been somebody else with him. Hoping that the spell wouldn't simply multiply the amount he closed his eyed and muttered "_evansco._" Opening them he saw with relief that the spell had worked and the brush was gone.

Picking up his own paintbrush he just had time to put the finishing touches to his last slogan (_'Dumbledore's Army!'_) before the door flew open, slamming into the opposite wall hard enough to leave a slight dent.

Amycus Carrow and Filch stood in the doorway, Filch cradling Mrs Norris in his arms. It took the pair a moment to recover their speech as they gaped around at the damage Hannah and Neville had done.

Rapidly turning purple Amycus stepped further into the room and pointed his wand directly at Neville.

"Did you do this?" He spluttered. Neville nodded. "On your _own_?" Another nod. "I don't believe you," he declared. "Who else was here?"

"No-one," Neville lied but he was interrupted before he could say anymore.

"_Crucio_!" Agony flooded through Neville's body but he managed to remain standing - just. The pain flared briefly then died. "I'll ask again: who else was here?"

"No-one," he gasped. "I was on my-"

"_Crucio_!" This time Neville's legs buckled under him and he fell to the floor, cracking his head on the corner of a desk as he fell. Darkness flooded over him.

* * *

><p>Neville woke sometime later in the hospital wing. Ginny sat cross-legged on the bed next to him, looking perfectly healthy except for a bandage around one ankle.<p>

As he stirred she looked up from the book she was reading and closed it, looking at him concernedly.

"How are you feeling?" Neville tried to sit up and groaned.

"Like I was run over by the Knight Bus." She nodded sympathetically.

"Professor Sprout brought you up. She said she heard a noise and found Carrow using _crucio _on your unconscious body. Apparently when she interrupted he nearly hit her." She winced slightly. "You looked awful when she brought you up."

Neville succeeded in dragging himself into a sitting position.

"Did Hannah manage to get away okay?" He asked, worried. Ginny nodded.

"Yes, Parvati came and visited earlier - nobody else was caught and the Carrows and Snape were spitting fore when they saw what you'd done." Neville tried to nod but had to give up as his body protested.

"Why didn't you show up last night? We were worried when Dennis said you were in the hospital wing."

"Yes, Parvati said. Don't worry - it wasn't anything too serious. Crabbe thought that it would be funny to push me down the stairs after lunch and I broke my ankle. Madam Pomfrey fixed it though - it's as good as new now. She didn't want me to walk on it for a bit though and by the time she said it was okay it was past curfew and I was stuck." She shrugged. "Apparently the fact the DA has started up again is common news and it's obvious that I would be part of it so... We're going to have to be careful for a bit not to get too close to any Slytherins for a while - I don't think that we'd be too safe!"

They both sat together, thinking about what she had said.

"You were very brave," Ginny commented suddenly. "Staying back so that Hannah would get fee." Neville stayed quiet, not knowing what to say. "I don't think this leadership thing's going to be quite as easy as we thought," she said before returning to her book. "There's much more to it than planning a few 'lessons'." And Neville fully agreed with her


	5. Teaching

Teaching

It was the last DA meeting before the Christmas holidays. As in his Fifth Year Dobby had decorated the room. A self-snowing Christmas tree stood in one corner, it's branches artistically coated in snow and decorated with toy soldiers who wished people "Merry Christmas" when they walked past. Fairies giggled madly as they fluttered about, surrounded by a bubble of coloured light.

Most of the members were already there and were talking excitedly about the upcoming holidays. Ernie Macmillan spotted them and threaded through the crowd towards them, stopping next to Ginny. "Nice decorations," he commented, grinning.

In addition to the other decorations the ceiling was covered with large baubles, each bearing the face of either, Ginny, Luna or Neville. Neville groaned. He had forgotten Ron telling them about Dobby's 'special' Christmas decorations and hadn't thought to come down early to remove them. Luckily these ones weren't singing but _still_.

He contemplated trying to vanish them, then decided not to - with his luck they would end up with many more than they already had.

Taking care not to let any-one bump into the _Mimbulus Mimbletonia_ he was carrying (covering everyone in stinksap would _not_ be a good was to start his first 'lesson') he moved to the front of the room and placed it carefully on a desk. Putting a bag down also he started to unpack the various plants and pulled a handful of beans wrapped in a handkerchief out from his robe pocket. Soon the desk was full and the bag empty so he stowed it under the desk and waited.

Since the graffiti incident Neville hadn't taken quite such a back seat as normal but he still hadn't taught a 'lesson' yet. However, an idea had occurred to him the previous day when he saw a group of Slytherin boys rampage through the greenhouses, smashing pots and destroying plants. Horrified he had been about to intervene when the plants in greenhouse three stood up for themselves and proceeded to trounce the Sixth Year boys.

Howling they had fled to the hospital wing to have their 'wounds' treated, covered in stinksap, bubotuber pus and one missing a large chink from his robes where he had got too close to the Venomous Tentacular.

Watching the plants fight back had given Neville an idea which was why he was standing in front of a large group of people (the DA had grown rapidly over the last few months).

When the room was silent (except for the occasional "Merry Christmas" from a toy soldier) Neville related his story which was greeted by chuckles from the crowd. "So I thought that we could take a leaf out of their book. Who's to say that Alecto -" he gestured at everybody to stand back and picked up a quill. He jabbed the _Mimbulus Mimbletonia_ hard and ducked quickly behind the desk.

Stinksap sprayed everywhere and cries of disgust where heard from those at the front who hadn't moved far enough back as their robes were drenched. Standing back up Neville continued "- or Amycus won't be stupid enough to do that if a strange plant appears on their desk. And these -" he dropped one of the beans on the floor "- were the original dungbombs." The bean lay innocently on the floor for a minute and a half whilst the DA looked on, then exploded in a puff of green smoke.

A noxious smell filled the room. Eyes immediately started to water and some of the younger members nearly passed out. The beans were much, much worse than dungbombs. "If Filch catches us with dungbombs then he'll probably whip whoever it is but _these_ just look like part of a Herbology project so no-one should get into any trouble. Just be careful though - if they're in your pocket and get bashed or sat on you'll never get the smell out of your robes - I should know - Gran had to send me some new ones over the weekend!" Chuckles filled the room and Neville grinned, pleased with his success as a teacher, and carried on with his lesson.

After the students returned from the Christmas holidays many strange things happened around the castle. Both of the Carrows were coated in a sticky black substance that they both claimed came from a plant. When they went back with Professor Sprout, however, the plant turned out to be a harmless cactus.

Severus Snape made many of the students and teachers burst into tears when he passed due to the eye wateringly noxious smell that seemed to cling to his robes.

All in all Neville felt that his lesson had gone down well, and he seemed to have discovered a talent for teaching. Maybe, he thought, he would become a teacher when he left school.


	6. Losing Luna

Losing Luna

It was late when Ginny finally returned to the common room: long past curfew. Neville sat, waiting, in one of the large, comfortable chairs by the dying fire as the portrait of the Fat Lady swung open. He heard somebody climb through and watched as it swung shut a second later. A few moments afterwards Ginny appeared as she lifted the Disillusionment Charm and sank into another of the comfy chairs by the fire.

"She wasn't there," Ginny told him. "Terry said that he didn't see her get on or off the train and Padma said she definitely wasn't at the feast."

"What about the Hufflepuffs?" Neville asked.

"Nothing. Nobody's seen _anything_. The last time someone saw her she was leaving Platform 9¾ with Xenophilius.

Neville rubbed his eyes, trying to keep awake, and groaned; worried for his friend.

"So it looks like Luna hasn't come back to Hogwarts," he summarised. "Though I suppose after what Mr Lovegood's been saying it's not surprising. I'm almost surprised she stayed as long as she did!"

"The only question that remains," Ginny said grimly, "is whether she, oh, what's the saying? Did she jump or was she pushed? Did she leave to hide or have _they_ got her?

Neville rubbed his eyes again.

"I don't see what we can do to help her though," he said bitterly at last.

"No."

The pair sat in silence for a while, knowing their friend and co-leader was in danger but unable to think of anything they could do to help.

"Neville," Ginny said in a small voice. "What are we going to do?"

"I don't know," he confessed. "I honestly don't know. I suppose we just keep trying our best and hope fate and fortune are on our side for a change. Besides," he added. "You never know - she might have just seen a Crumple Horned What-do-you-call-'em? She might have simply missed the train.

Ginny snorted with laughter. "It's a possibility," she admitted, easily able to imagine their friend doing such a thing.

Neville half smiled, pleased that he had managed to make his friend laugh and they sat looking into the embers of the fire long into the night.


	7. Plans and Comfort

Plans and Comfort

It was the first trip to Hogsmeade since Christmas and little flurries of snow danced around the students, not enough to settle but to numb hands and freeze feet. Even this didn't daunt the students, the youngest of whom had never seen the wizarding village before.

The Carrows had tried to convince Snape that the visit should be banned but, for some inexplicable reason, Snape had put his foot down and allowed the students out of Hogwarts.

Neville, Ginny, Ernie and Hannah trudged up the hill towards the Shrieking Shack. The wind whistled eerily around the building, banging doors and shutters and even though Neville knew the place wasn't really haunted he still felt a shiver go down his spine. The entire place looked bleak, forlorn and completely deserted.

Which was just what they wanted: a completely deserted place where they could talk about what the DA was going to do next. Of course, the Three Broomsticks with it's warm fire and hot drinks would have been the ideal choice but it was either comfort or privacy and privacy won out - it was impossible, they felt, to talk about secret organisations in a crowded pub.

Hence the Shrieking Shack.

When they got to the fence they stopped and Hannah climbed up to sit on a railing whilst Neville and Ernie leaned against fence posts. Ginny jumped up and down and blew on her hands, trying to thaw both feet and fingers at the same time.

"I think we need to do something more this time," Hannah shivered. She and Ernie had started to help Neville and Ginny lead Dumbledore's Army since they had lost Luna.

"You mean freeing locked up students and the graffiti isn't enough?" Ginny joked.

Hannah risked withdrawing a hand from her pocket to flap it at Ginny before stuffing it back into the warmth of her coat pockets. "You know what I mean."

Neville agreed. "She's right," he said. "So far Snape and the Carrows are ignoring us as much as they can. They throw a temper tantrum whenever we make a mess of the walls but then just paint over it and carry on as normal. We need to do something that _can't_ just be covered up as soon as they find it."

"But equally we don't want the little'uns getting the blame," Ernie said. "We _don't _want them to start torturing the First and Second Years just because they can't find anyone else to blame."

The others were silent for a moment as they digested this, then Neville leaned forward.

"How about-" he started to say and soon they were in the middle of a discussion on the merits of various plans.

They were interrupted a while later by the sound of someone crying out.

"And I thought we were the only ones silly enough to be up here on a day like today," Ginny muttered as they turned to find the source of the sound.

"But I don't _want_ to give you my money," a little boy was protesting. "I wanted to get a birthday present for my mum." The wind whipped Crabbe's words away but they could hear the little boy proclaim: "I don't have anything to fear from a blood status investigation - my family's been pureblood for more generations than I can count!" Goyle's voice was louder than his friend's and they could hear his every word.

"I wouldn't be too sure if I were you."

Ginny aimed her wand at Goyle's back. "I could get a nice Bat Bogey Hex from this angle," she informed the others. Neville put a hand on her wand. forcing her to lower it.

"Hang on," he told her as an idea occurred to him. Aiming his own wand at Goyle's back he used the portable fire spell Hermione had taught him and the effect was instantaneous - Goyle's cloak burst into blue flames, as he did the same to Crabbe. Both boys gave a yelp and flung themselves down on the ground where they rolled around, trying to put the flames out. The little boy took the opportunity to escape.

"The best thing about his spell is that the flames are completely waterproof - they'll have to go up to the castle to find a teacher to put them out, probably. Plus, the flames won't burn them - they'll be scared and angry but not hurt _and_, because they're so thick everyone will assume they did it themselves so we won't even get detention."

Ginny laughed. "Brilliant," she gasped. "Come on - I want to watch the other's faces when they see Crabbe and Goyle on fire." She and Ernie set off. Neville waited whilst Hannah jumped off the fence , then they walked back to the village behind the other two.

"Are you alright?" He asked her. She heard that her father's body had been found the day before. Most of the time she was her old self, if more aggressive but occasionally she lapsed into a miserable silence.

"Hmm? Oh, I'll be alright," she said, and made an effort to throw off her sadness as she chattered about various unrelated things.

But her small gloved hand somehow managed to slip into Neville's own, much larger hand, as they followed Ginny and Ernie back to the village.


	8. Something Big

Something Big

"It'll never work," commented a Sixth Year Ravenclaw into the silence that followed the outline of Neville's plan. "It's just not possible; four of the _greatest_ wizards and witches that ever lived created that charm: there's no _way_ some _student_ is ever going to be able to change it!"

"I'm not so sure about that, Selena," countered a Hufflepuff. "Neville wouldn't have mentioned it if he didn't think it was possible."

"Yes," she argued back, "but to re-enchant the ceiling of the Great Hall! That's not the same as making a piece of fruit turn orange or dance! That's serious magic – I doubt even _Dumbledore_ could have done it if he wanted to!"

Other members of the DA joined in the discussion, which grew more and more heated as people discussed the proposed plan.

After about ten minutes, when people started to repeat the same things that they had at the start of the conversation, Neville cut across the conversation with a quiet "but it _is_ possible, isn't it Terry?"

This halted the multiple conversations that were happening around the room as everybody stopped to hear what the quiet Ravenclaw Seventh Year had to say. Terry looked a little uncomfortable at all of the attention he was receiving but answered Neville's question.

"Theoretically, yes. Padma and I think we've managed to work out a way in which it should be possible. Unfortunately we can't practise so we'll have to just hope that it works and if it doesn't, try again. We've got a couple of ideas that might work, though, haven't we Padma?"

Parvati's quiet twin sister just nodded her head, keen not to become the centre of attention.

"So, since we think that the plan will work, who thinks we should go ahead and do it?"

It _would_ make the Carrows and Snape absolutely _furious_," agreed Selena reluctantly and several of the younger members nodded their agreement.

"And the best thing about this is that there's no _way_ they can pin the blame on _any_ of the younger children! The magic involved would be so complex that they're more likely to suspect the _teachers_ than any of the students!" Hannah spoke with an almost vicious delight at the thought of outwitting the Carrows. Only that morning she had witnessed Amycus back-hand a First Year across the hallway because of some offence the youngster had unwittingly committed. She had been furious at the time and only the presence of Ernie and Neville and stopped her drawing her wand and hexing him. Her anger hadn't disappeared as the day wore on and anybody could see that she felt the more mayhem and disorder was caused, the better.

Strangely Hannah's remark caused Neville to reconsider how good the plan really was but her words had managed to convince the other doubters so he said nothing.

OoOoO

Padma, Terry and Neville stood in the Great Hall, looking up at the enchanted ceiling. It had been decided that only those three should go as the less who went, the better their chances of getting away without getting caught. Padma and Terry conferred in low voices as t the charm they would use as Neville turned his eyes away from the ceiling.

"I'm going to wait outside," he told them. "That way I should be able to hear anybody before they actually appear. The other two nodded distractedly and Neville took himself off to stand guard outside the Great Hall.

The Entrance Hall was dark and so full of shadows cast by the lone candle that shone that it was impossible to see anything useful. Neville strained his ears for the sound of someone coming so there would be enough time to warn Terry and Padma but he could hear nothing.

This state of hyper-awareness wasn't restful and by the end of two full minutes he felt like his nerves had reached breaking point. At the end of five minutes he was so jittery that a sudden glimpse of a spider crossing the floor nearly made him leap out of his skin.

So when a hand suddenly clapped down on his shoulder Neville spun around so fast that he nearly lost his balance and almost hexed a surprised Terry.

"We've finished," Terry whispered. "Padma's just making sure that they shouldn't be able to change it any time soon."

It took Neville a moment to calm his racing heart before he followed the Ravenclaw into the Great Hall. Looking up he saw that instead of the starry night sky that had been there five minutes earlier there was now, emblazoned in a bright scarlet, the words

_They died to end this:_

_Why don't you do your bit?_

Surrounding the slogan were the names of every single person, muggles included who had died since the beginning of Voldemort's reign of terror.

As Neville watched a new name seared itself into the ceiling and hung there, blazing angrily. Neville swallowed hard as he realised that somewhere Jason Phillips had been murdered.

Padma finished her enchantment with a complicated wave of her wand and all three stood there, looking upwards at the ceiling. But the sight of the blazing name took away any vestige of pride that they might have felt in their work.

"Come on," Neville eventually said to the others. "I'm going to bed." The other two muttered their agreement and the trio set off towards their respective common rooms.

The Carrows were not going to be happy at _all_ in the morning.

_A/N: Thank you to An Artist's Account who helped me come up with the slogan! If you ever have a spare moment you should definitely take a look at some of her stories as they are pretty amazing!_


	9. Guilt

Guilt

"Neville?" The sound of his name being called caused Neville to look up from his Herbology magazine and towards the door. Ginny stood there, trembling with anger.

He swept the pile of things that were on the chair next to his bed onto the floor so she could sit and she did so, flopping down furiously.

Neville knew the expression that she currently wore; when she looked like that it was always safest to let her come to the point without any prompting. He didn't have to wait long.

"You would have thought," she burst out angrily, "that if they were going to blame someone for re-enchanting the ceiling they would have done it straight away, and not waited for over a week and a half, wouldn't you?" Neville didn't respond, knowing that she would just carry straight on.

"I mean, it's just _stupid_ to think that _he_ could have done it! John's just a First Year – there's no _way_ he could have one the type of magic Padma and Terry did!"

To say that Neville was startled by this development would have been an understatement.

"What do you mean? The Carrows have tried to put the blame for the ceiling on a First Year? That's ridiculous! What proof can they have?"

"They haven't _tried_, they _have_. They claim that they overheard him discussing the spell he used with a friend whom they 'haven't managed to identify' yet," Ginny said scornfully. "But that's not the worst of it: Michael told me that they've chained him up in one of the dungeons and are going to 'make an example' of him at breakfast tomorrow. It was Michael who told me about it, actually. John's his youngest cousin."

Neville felt like he was missing something.

"I don't get it, though. Why're they trying to put the blame on a First Year? _ Nobody_, not even someone with the intelligence of Crabbe or Goyle, is going to believe he did it!"

"Oh, don't you _see_ Neville? It's not about _that_. This is just away for them to force us into revelling who _really_ did it – can you honestly say that you or Terry or Padma could live with yourselves if you let John take the blame for what you did? Of course not! Nobody would! Even those who had _nothing_ to do with it will stand up and let themselves be blamed rather than let them hurt one of the kids!" Ginny sounded incredibly bitter. "And we all know what will happen to the person who gets the blame in the end. This is their sick way of rooting out the trouble makers and even if nobody does step up they won't care. Why should they? Nobody will dare to rebel ever again because they'll _know_ what'll happen! It'll _crush_ the DA – I know I would rather give in for the rest of my time at Hogwarts than let them hurt the little'uns!"

Neville could see Ginny's point and fully agreed with her but he couldn't see what they could do about it. Whatever they did someone would end up getting hurt.

"Couldn't we just free John? Maybe they'll just spend all their time looking for who did it then and give up on torturing First Years." Neville knew as soon as he said it that it was a useless idea.

Ginny shook her head. "No, they'll just catch him again and we'll be in the same situation as before. Why should they chase us around the castle if they can make us come to them?"

Neville tossed the blanket covering his legs onto the floor.

"Then I'll go and tell them it was me." Ginny put a hand on his shoulder and forced him to remain sitting.

"Don't be stupid – Madam Pomfrey's not going to let you go anywhere until you're properly healed. She's learnt that you'll only be back again within a day. And you needn't bother trying to sneak out; she's put all sorts of wards on the door to keep you in after last time.

Neville was outraged. "I didn't know she'd done that!"

"No, well, you were unconscious at the time. She did it after we'd brought you up, muttering about over-heroic Gryffindors who insisted on making her job much harder than it needed to be. You've got to be more careful, Neville. You _know_ talking back to the Carrows will get you tortured and we can't afford to lose you to insanity!"

Neville winced as she hit a nerve but he had to agree that she was right. Whilst talking back to the Carrows always boosted morale he _always_ ended up in the hospital wing afterwards.

The two sat in silence, contemplating what they should do.

"I miss Luna," Ginny said after a bit. "She was always the best at coming up with schemes."

"Even if they were completely crazy," Neville completed the rest of Ginny' sentence with a grin.

OoOoO

"Neville!" He looked up from his breakfast as Ginny erupted into the Hospital Wing. "Oh, _Neville_!" She burst into tears as she collapsed into a chair.

Neville had no idea what he was supposed to do. In the end he managed to conjure up a hanky which he gave to her. After a moment or two she hiccoughed to a halt and wiped her eyes.

"Thanks," she muttered as she tried to give the sodden hanky back to him.

"It's alright, you keep it," he said, grateful she had stopped crying.

"Sorry, it's just been so _awful_."

"Will John be okay?"

"What? John? Oh, yes, he's fine, not hurt at all." She sniffed inelegantly and wiped her nose.

"Then why – somebody took his place, didn't they?" She nodded miserably. "Who was it Ginny? Who – _Michael_. It was Michael, wasn't it?" Ginny almost started crying again.

"It was _awful_. I don't know what curse they used but it wasn't the Cruciatus. They did it at the start of breakfast and by the time they had finished – he was lying in a pool of his own blood, Neville. His own _blood_! They wouldn't even let Madam Pomfrey bring him up here; Anthony and a friend had to carry him back to the Ravenclaw tower - nobody knows what's going to happen to him now. I found John afterwards and he said Michael tried to untie him but was caught. But the worst thing of all is that they just _laughed_ as they tortured him. _Laughed_!"

She chocked back some more sobs.

Neville stared blankly at a wall.

"It's all my fault," he said dully. "I should never have suggested the plan in the first place – I could have guessed something like this would happen."

"How could you?" Ginny demanded. "How could you have known they would use a First Year like that? We _all_ thought it was a good idea, not just you. We're _all_ to blame."

"But you don't get it, it should have been me, not Michael. Michael had nothing to do with the plan. It was _me _who thought it up, planned it, then did it; not him! It should have been _me_ who took the punishment, not somebody who was just trying to save his cousin!"

"And just how were you planning on getting out of the Hospital Wing? Remember? Madam Pomfrey's pretty much locked you in. You couldn't have got out, even if you wanted to!"

Neville looked away, guilt churning his insides. She didn't understand.

"Maybe we should stop the DA," he said, not looking at her.

"_What_? You can't be serious! Dumbledore's Army is the only thing that's keeping some people sane as they watch their friends and family being murdered. You can't just back out like that!"

"But people are getting hurt!"

"So what? _They_ don't care! _I_ don't care if _I'm_ hurt! _You_ don't care if _you_ get hurt! What's this? The third time since half term you've been sent to the Hospital Wing? It's only been two weeks since the end of half term, Neville! _Two weeks_!"

When Neville didn't reply she got up.

"I won't let you break up the DA," she told him as she left. "You might be the main leader but I won't let you."

Neville just sat there and watched her go, guilt gnawing at his insides.


	10. Doubts

Doubts

Neville soon realised that Ginny had not told any of the other DA members what he had said in the hospital wing. He still received the same smiles from them that he always had and the same whispered greetings in the hall (talking was now strictly forbidden in the corridors between lessons).

All except one person, that was. Ginny had told just one other person and she could not have chosen a better one if she wanted his to realise what his words would mean to other people.

The looks of disappointment that Hannah sent him whenever they passed cut him to the quick and showed him more effectively than anything else could have done what she thought of his words.

Still, he didn't regret them. Not one. The looks she sent, although hurting him, reinforced the reason why he had spoken them in the first place.

He had been furious and aching when he heard what had happened when he learned what had happened to Michael. He would have been devastated if it had happened to Hannah and it was no good asking her not to take the risks: she would just smile and carry right on doing whatever she had been doing in the first place.

Nothing had happened between them since the Hogsmeade trip, yet somehow things had changed between them. Hannah was now more than a friend, yet no more than a friend and his feelings had left him so confused that he had resolved to put them aside for the time being, for now at any rate.

It was these feelings, though, that kept Neville on his bed that night, long after he felt the galleon burn in his pocket and the DA meeting had started.

He knew what he was doing was right, yet that didn't help him the next morning when all he could see were the confused faces of his friends.

The whispered greetings changed to hissed questions: where were you? Why didn't you come? What's going on? But he ignored these questions, knowing that they would next turn to Ginny who would tell them everything.

The only person who did not question him was _her;_ she knew why. Knew and wouldn't argue with him.

All she would say when she sat down next to him in Dark Arts was:

"I understand your choice. I do, Neville, really. But I've got to keep fighting back or I'll just have given in and I couldn't _stand_ that!"

Neville wanted to shout at her.

_But I'm not giving in,_ he wanted to say. _I'm just going to pick fights where I'm the only one who gets hurt when it all goes wrong._

OoOoO

That Dark Arts lesson was worse than ever and it took all of his will power not to hex the blond Death Eater who stood smugly at the front of the classroom into the next century as he listened to the unending bile that poured out of his mouth.

Next to him he was aware of Hannah growing paler and paler until by the end of the lesson she was as pale as a ghost. The expression on her face was one he had never seen before and it scared him. She looked as though she might either pass out or murder Carrow and couldn't quite decide between the two.

Eventually she snapped.

"You're foul," she said in a shaking voice, standing up. "Foul and twisted and _evil!_"

Amycus had spun around when she started talking but he didn't look angry. No, he looked delighted, a sick grin twisting his face into a parody of a smile.

"So we have a volunteer," he said. "A volunteer to _show_ the rest of the class what happens when to people when this curse is used on them. Abbot, isn't it? Well, I don't think you're going to be needing your wand, Miss Abbot, do you?"

Hannah's wand flew out of her hand and towards Amycus who managed to catch it, though only just.

"Now, _ructo_!"

"_Protego_!" Neville was on his feet before he knew what he was doing and the shield charm blossomed in front of Hannah, causing the violet spell to bounce back at its caster, who only just managed to duck in time.

The Death Eater's grin was gone now, replaced a snarl of fury.

"Haven't I managed to teach you what happens to those who interrupt in my lessons?" Spittle flew as the words were spat out. "Yet another detention, Longbottom, and I think I shall have to come up with something a little, let's say _different_, to help the message stick. Miss Abbot shall join you, I think. She too needs to learn _properly_ what happens to those who interrupt in my class."

Amycus was livid and Neville's heart sank. He had just done what he had been so scared of; the reason why he had not gone to the meeting last night.

"I'll come," he said, hoping the desperation wasn't audible in his voice. "Abbot doesn't, though. She hasn't done anything."

"No, I think she should come too," Amycus smiled. "I think you'll learn your lesson _much_ quicker when she's there too."

He turned to the rest of the class. "What are you lot still doing here?" He demanded. "Get out, all of you, get _out_! Not you two, though," he pointed at Hannah and Neville. "You two can stay right _here_." The Death Eater swept out after the rest of the class. "I'll be back in a few minutes," he called over his shoulder as he shut and locked the door.

Hannah sighed, slumping in her chair as the last of the footsteps died away.

"I'm so sorry," Neville muttered, "so very, very sorry."

"Why are you sorry?" Hannah's face was a study of confusion. "If anyone should be sorry it's me, not you! Me and my big mouth are what got us into this mess – _you_ did everything you possibly could to get _me_ out of it! _I_ got _you_ into trouble, remember?"

Silence reigned for a short space of time as the two teenagers contemplated their punishment.

"This was why I said we should stop the DA," Neville eventually said bitterly. "It just makes us think we're invincible and that we can fight them with none of the consequences ever catching up. But we _can't_! Someone always ends up getting hurt and someday something's going to go wrong in a way that will get someone _killed_. One of the younger ones, probably, who just happened to be in the wrong pace at the wrong time, completely innocent, whilst we, the ones who started this whole mess just walk away, none-the-worse. Maybe we might have a new scar to add to the collection but that will be it, nothing _too_ horrific. What's one more scar compared to someone dying anyway?"

He was practically yelling by the time he had finished and his hands were waving around. To his horror he thought he felt tears pricking at the back of his eyes.

"Somebody's going to die," he told her, "and it will be my fault because I could have stopped all this and didn't. I could have done something, but didn't."

Hannah grabbed one of his hands and held it tightly.

"But it won't be your fault," she said fiercely. "I'm not saying someone won't definitely die, of course they could – it's a war! But that doesn't make it your fault! We all know why we're fighting, what's at stake, even the youngest ones aren't going to go down without a fight. Granted, I wouldn't have quite said that putting frogspawn in Alecto's bed would be quite how I would go about it but the point I _they're fighting back_! They've got _hope_! We can't take that away from them: it wouldn't be fair. It wouldn't be _right_."

Suddenly realising just how tightly she has holding his hand, she dropped it flushing and carried on in a more moderate tone of voice.

"Besides, I'm sure McGonagall helped them – the teachers don't tend to just happen to leave the key to their rooms lying around where anybody could find them, do you? Not after what Fred and George did in their fourth year! Everyone's fighting back Neville, not just you! It isn't your fault. None of it is!

"It's my fault you're here," he reminded her.

"Don't be daft," she responded. "I was already in trouble, whether you got involved or not."

"_We've already been through this!_ It is not your fault, it's mine. You can't save the whole world, Neville."

Footsteps echoed outside in the corridor and she lowered her voice to whisper: "come back to the DA, Neville. It was horrid without you yesterday."

"But-"

"_Please_. It'll make me feel a bit better, you know, during detention." Her facade had slipped and Neville could see just how scared she really was.

"All right," he said, taking her hand and holding it tightly. "I'll come back."

And she was right, he realised as the door swung open and both the Carrows walked in. He might not be able to protect everyone but he should keep on trying whatever, even thought people were going to get hurt.

Still, maybe the First Years had the right idea. He really wouldn't like to be in Amycus' shoes if whatever he tried to eat turned to green gunge – in fact, Neville was sure he had seen such a spell in the library the other day…

* * *

><p><em>My apologies for the long delay - this has been sitting hand-written in my notebook for the last month and I've had practically no writting time: it's true what they say - the leap from GCSE to A-level is massive in terms of work load!<em>

_All reviews are a__ppreciated!_


	11. Not That Different

Not That Different

Numbness. That seemed to be all that he ever felt these days. Tired and numb. There wasn't really room for anything else aside from fear. That was pretty much a given.

The castle that had once been filled with laughter and colour seemed to be a study in monotone. Black and white. No colour anywhere. Any laughter in the corridors was immediately muted and frankly, Neville didn't blame them. Laughter was prohibited.

It was almost like having Umbridge back again.

There was only one place where it was possible to get away from the overhanging cloud of doom. If he could have summoned the energy, he would have rolled his eyes. Overhanging cloud of doom. Hah! Melodramatic didn't seem to quite cover it somehow

It was true though, the only place where this melodramatic cloud didn't penetrate quite as thickly as everywhere else was the greenhouses. It was the best place to just go and escape. For a time, worries could just fade away as the needs of the greenhouse overtook.

This time, it was late when he left; even for his standards. Resisting the urge to wipe filthy hands on his robes (who cared if he made the banisters a little dirty anyway) he started up the first flight of stairs leading to the Gryffindor dorms.

As he climbed the second flight, he could already begin to feel the stress creeping back into his shoulder muscles. By the fourth floor, it had well and truly set in again and the worries were once again back. By the fifth floor, he was so engrossed in his latest problem that he made a mistake. A mistake that he had not committed once this year.

He stepped onto the stair and his foot just kept on going. By the time he realised, he had sunk up to his knee and nothing on earth was going to get him out of this mess without some help.

_Heck._

It was just what he needed with half an hour to go before curfew. Not many people would be out and about this late and risk being caught out.

_Heck._

It was hard to see the funny side of it as the Carrows didn't really need an excuse to give him another detention. He'd done so well too. He hadn't had a detention in over a week. That had to be some kind of new personal best this year. This really was laughable. He had probably had more detentions in the last month alone than in all of his previous six years.

He let out a snort of laughter and leaned back against the banister. _ Might as well be comfortable_, he thought, and closed his eyes.

"Need a hand?" His poor tired eyes flew open. Ernie was leaning over the railing of one of the neighbouring flights of stairs. He was grinning too.

_Heck_.

"Don't you even think of laughing," Neville threatened.

His threat didn't just fail, it crashed and burned. It surely wasn't physically possible for a grin that large to get any bigger. It got bigger. Suspicious snorts were issuing from - somewhere. Not that it was Ernie. Ernie wouldn't.

Ernie, it transpired, would.

"Can I have a hand?" Neville asked plaintively.

His erstwhile friend manfully tried to swallow his snorts of laughter and ran down the stairs. Grabbing him by the arm, Ernie heaved and Neville's leg popped free. Thankfully the shoe stayed attached; occasionally he'd not been quite so lucky. There was nothing like having to go to a lesson without a shoe to make a person feel vulnerable. Particularly in the dungeons.

"Thanks."

Face red from a suppressed snort, Ernie nodded. The snort of laughter escaped anyway and after that there was no stopping the others. Even Neville had to admit it was a bit funny - not _that_ much though.

Eventually they managed to stop and make a dash for their respective dorms. Reaching the Fat Lady with only a few moments to spare, he slipped inside and up to his dorm.

He smiled as he got ready for bed. It was the first time in a long while he'd felt like the old Neville.


End file.
